On Walking Away...

I was randomly surfing the net for some good reads when I came across this article by Kelly Reynolds. Somehow the article struck a chord in me, and I found myself musing on the status of the relationships I keep at present.

Read on, and I hope that you pick up a thing or two from the post as I did. :)

Knowing When to Walk Away from Unrequited Love

By Kelly Reynolds

“Love does not obey our expectations; it obeys our intentions.” ~Lloyd Strom

To say that love hasn’t obeyed my expectations would be the understatement of the century.

I have not been lucky in love. I’ve been blessed with some amazing moments over the years, but somehow have managed to choose partners who did not want what I wanted, did not feel what I felt, and did not want to walk beside me into a future together.

I have really had to sit with this and try and figure out what part of this was my doing, and how to change it, because this year I once again chose a partner who was not walking with me. Except this time not only was he not walking with me but he was subtly trying to kick my feet from under me every chance he got.

I once again entered into a relationship desperate to find love and instead found a beautiful disaster. Love is a blessing, this we know. Unrequited love is toxic, and it can eat you alive.

Falling in love can be a slippery slope,regardless of any protective barriers we may have built. It can ease in like a light a mist that settles itself beautifully over your life, or it can blindside you.

Often we fall in love with a person before we have fully gotten to know them. By this point it’s too late—you’ve already stretched your heart for someone capable of bruising it. This is what love requires:utmost vulnerability and trust. Hopes and expectations rise along with the awareness that it can slip away.

I suggest we do our best to live in the moment. Love is elastic. It stretches and retracts and changes shape constantly. It is very uncertain. One day you are over the moon and the next disillusioned.

The elastic can break. You can re-tie it, but there is now a knot. Suddenly that perfect perception of the other person is a little bit tainted. Something rocked the pedestal. Sometimes we can recover from this, sometimes we can’t. 

Loyalty and commitment teach us that we are not to walk away from people that we love. Buddhism teaches us to love without expectation. There are a lot of belief systems about love and I question them often. If your love is shared and you are both happy I assume you wouldn’t have to question love at all.

But if your relationship, be it friendship or romantic love, is unbalanced and one person is hurting, how much is enough? How many pieces are supposed to break and how damaged can we allow ourselves to get before we throw these belief systems out the window and accept that this type of love isn’t healthy?

How do we do what is best for ourselves without damaging the heart and mind of someone else in the process?

Love and relationships require work and responsibility. We have to learn when to stretch and when to break.

For those of you who have been blessed to find a romantic love that is equally shared, I truly admire this and I have set the intention to find it one day. I think it all starts with being aware, open, and ready.

For a long time I didn’t believe I would find love so I subconsciously chose partners who I knew would be a challenge. I am no longer interested in this challenge. I told myself when my last relationship failed that I would never put myself in a situation where I didn’t know where I stood in someone’s life again; where I felt unsteady and unloved.

Unfortunately I did it again this year and I can promise you that it was the last time. I now know what I would like my relationship with my future partner to feel like, and that is the first step towards being open to receiving this gift. Love is a gift.

I have been tested often this year and with this came the opportunity to learn lessons. I have lived my life openly. I have experienced love and trusted the process. I fell in love, watched it grow, watched it change, and watched it fall apart.

I felt the pain, and still continue to recover from it. My heart is healing and that is a slow process, but it was necessary to hurt to have learned what I learned. For this I am grateful. I’m also grateful to my friends and family who helped me to pick up the pieces when I didn’t have the energy to do it alone.

8 things I have learned about relationships so far:

1. If there is a feeling better than love, I have not felt it. Take the risk and dive in with everything you have.

2. Enjoy the good times together as they are happening and be grateful for them.

3. Stay out of the future and in the moment. Now is certain.

4. Protect both your heart and your partner’s, whether the love is still there or not. We are human and we deserve kindness. We don’t need to add to the burdens we already carry by hurting others. Trust me, it doesn’t make thing better.

5. If your relationship starts to crumble, know when to put it down and let it be.Don’t grind it into dust.

6. You cannot continue to give to another person when you are not at your best; when you are so broken, so beaten down that you have no energy left. When talking has failed and words no longer have meaning, this is when you know it is over. When you feel like this, you have to do what is best for the relationship and for each other and wave the white flag to avoid further damage.

7. Some things just won’t work, no matter how badly we wish they would.Sometimes the match that felt so right just isn’t. Please don’t do more damage to your heart by trying to fix something that has past its expiration date. It will leave you raw.

8. It is okay to walk away from something that hurts you. It doesn’t require blame or justification. It just requires you to stop fanning the flames. You will find love again, and next time it will feel better.

Life isn’t easy. Some things build us up and some tear us down. Our hearts expand and break and rebuild—repeatedly. We are constantly learning and changing and growing. If in love you find yourself in a sticky situation like I was, please stop picking at scabs.

Nothing good has ever come from this. Stop the cycle, and let your heart heal so you can find pure love. Surround yourself with loving relationships. Something beautiful is out there waiting for you. If you feel it on the inside, you’ll find it out there.

Declarations

From now on, I'll live each day as it unfolds and be thankful for even the smallest blessing that comes with each day.

I am going to love without hesitation nor fear, and never again second-guess on where my feelings stand.

Life is too short to mind what everyone else thinks about me, so I'll leave their thoughts to themselves and just focus my energies on the things and people that really matter.

Life is full of uncertainties, so I shall leave no room for assumptions, false hopes and expectations. 

I shall be thankful for moments spent with people I care about, because I realize now that to be with the person close to your heart is both a priviledge and a blessing that humbles me in spite of.

I also realize that each one of us is flawed and, at some point, has been frayed one way or another. So I shall look at love in a more realistic light from now on, with the understanding that love gives you courage to look past the flaws and instead appreciate that person for what he truly is and the person that he almost is.

This Is How You Lose Her

This is how you lose her. 

You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.

You must remember when she forgets. 

You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.

She remembers when you forget. 

You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the  beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished.When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.

You must learn her. 

You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to. 

You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.

And, this is how you keep her. 

Of Mountains and Bloggers

I have always wanted to share this particular read by a Filipina blogger, but the fear of causing quite a stir among my friends always gets the better of me. So, I'm sharing it here in my blog instead, because of all the "Date A Guy..." articles published online this has got to be my personal favorite and one which I can totally relate to. :)

Date a guy who climbs mountains. Date a guy who hikes for hours to reach the highest peaks just for the heck of it. He’s the one with the muddy shoes, smelly backpack, worn-out hiking pants and a complexion that has survived the worst of sunburns.

Date a guy who feels right at home on a campsite, who thinks electricity and indoor plumbing are non-essentials. He can pitch a tent that’ll keep you warm and dry even amidst the pounding rain. He can fix up a kitchen with just a foldable stove, a canister of butane and two metal pots. He will serve you hot soup and well-cooked, fluffy rice and they’d be the best stuff you’ve ever tasted after a whole day of trekking.

Find a guy who has been to the summit. He will tell you tales of amazing things he has seen, of sights that took his breath away, and he will take you there so you can experience them for yourself.

He falls silent at the sight of a beautiful sunrise. He stands in awe at the stunning view of the valley below. He knows how to value beauty because he has braved forest trails and steep ascents just to see it.

Find a guy who has travelled to remote places in search of a challenging climb. He will not back down from an obstacle. He will look at adversity straight in the eye and say ‘give me the best you’ve got.’ He can keep his cool in the face of life’s problems because he already knows what it’s like to go through the crappiest of situations and survive.

Date a guy who is happiest on a mountain. Listen to his stories. Laugh at his jokes. You will never have a dull moment with him. When you’ve left behind the trappings of modern society and life has been stripped down to the basics, he will make you feel like nothing is missing and you have all you’ll ever need.

Date a guy who climbs mountains. Keep him. Don’t break his heart. He will treasure you and take you on his most outrageous adventures. He will drag you out of your comfort zone and keep your pulse racing. Say yes to a guy who climbs mountains. He will make you feel incredibly alive.

The original entry can be found here: http://misadventuresoftintin.com/2012/05/18/date-a-guy-who-climbs-mountains/

So there. While I won't dwell further as to why I shared that article I'm pretty sure you get my earlier hint without having yo name names and events. But I'll say this much for now...

He does make me feel incredibly alive. :)

On A Friday...

A realization that preludes my weekend...

There will always be those few people in your life who - no matter the length of time nor distance - can make you smile in spite of.

:)

Happy weekend everyone!

Mine :)

Well, hello there 2013!

Can't believe that it's actually the 2nd day of the new year already... and while it's a slow Wednesday at the office, time sure has its way of flying by without us knowing it.

As for new year's resolutions, I think I've pretty much outgrown the habit. Instead, I choose to sum up my new year outlook in two sentences:

2013 - I'll make it mine. I'll own it.

And so should you, my dears. :)

Happy 2013!

Year of the Wanderlust

Still a few weeks to go before the world bids 2012 goodbye, and already I can't help but look back at the year that was. Only one statement comes to mind as I sum up everything that this year has been -

2012 has been the year of the wanderlust.

It all started with the desire to find myself after a breakup that made me doubt and question certain aspects of life and some of the relationships I keep. That time I felt suffocated within the circle of people I belong to, and I knew I needed to breathe and re-examine things in perspective. Thus the marriage of traveling and photography became my saving grace. My travels and wanderlust-ing days were booked on a weekly basis, and before I knew it I was hopping from one island to another with friends and travel buddies. And as if the universe conspired with my heart's desire, a recent business trip flew me all the way to Central USA and the West Coast. I guess you could say 'lucky' was an understatement; 'blessed' seemed more apt for all the good things that came my way this year.

And then one day it happened. The realization felt so surreal that I had to doubt it for some time if it were really true. But there was no denying the warmth in my heart and the inner smile I keep whenever I think of the past. Yes, I finally learned to let go and move on. Funny thing was, I never knew the exact moment nor how, but I guess when you've truly picked up the pieces and you're whole again you just know. No need for words; the heart just knows as it comes out of hiding. And I can only be so thankful. In fact when Tristan and I had dinner for the first time after a long while, I told him in all earnest how thankful I was that the relationship ended where it did because it did a lot more good to the both of us. It was the closure to our story, and we both knew it though unspoken. And I can only smile. :)

My travels has dwindled down towards the later part of the year, but somehow I feel as if I've had quite enough traveling for one year. Of course, I can only say much where 2012 is concerned; the coming new year is an entirely different story. Traveling has gotten into my blood, and my senses will always lust for it no matter what. 2012 itself has been quite an interesting journey that I can only anticipate for 2013 to unfold. But for now, I'll bask in the warmth of home and the company of loved ones and friends.