The Heart Of The Matter

Tonight felt as if it was the longest night of my life...

Though the details are very personal, still admitting how much I've hurt my parents tonight seemed like a first step towards my humbling and the road back to forgiveness - from myself and, most especially, from my parents.

For a while, seating there all guilty and shameful with my eyes drilling holes on the floor, I was prepared to accept their punishment - physical or otherwise. In fact, in the midst of that heavy and dreadful silence, my mind was already madly wondering where I'd run to, should I face disownment from my dad. I tried to keep my resolve, and for a while I was successful. That is, until I looked up to them and then my fragile resolve crumbled. I neither saw condemnation nor hate in their tearful eyes; there was only explicit sadness brought by the realization that I wasn't exactly the person they'd hoped for me to be. There were no words of hate nor physical assault. There were just my parents' eyes full of pained sadness, especially my dad's. But at the end of it all, they were still willing to give me a shot. One last chance. As for forgiveness and healing, I know it'll take some time but I love my parents and am willing to do anything just to help my family move on and recover from this entire ordeal. I know it's way stupid of me, but tonight I've never been more thankful to God for the loving parents He has blessed my life with.